1. To my body paragraph I added to my last commentary. I added that three volume novels are considered to be fake and fiction. Along with diaries and sermons, the writting pieces don't always tell the truth and they arn't always accurate. I am also changing my first transition, I don't know what it'll be yet but I don't think it flows and sounds right. I don't know wither to use a transition like "first" or "for example". I am also going to try to cut down on the words: three volumn novels, novels and manuscripts.
2. I feel like my commmentary isn't good, like it needs to be changed but I'm not sure how to word it. I'm not sure if I'm just repeating what the quotes say or if I'm heading on the right track. If you could read it and give me critism that would be great. Hahaha don't worry about being mean (: It's alright, I'm a big girl(: I can handle it. But in all seriousness that would be super helpful to me if you guys could suggest some changes or if anything should be added.
Kayla!!! :) Well, I like the commentary that you added. It sounds like it fits the thesis perfectly. As far as transitioning goes, if you're talking about transitioning into your first concrete detail, I would use "first". I used "for example" in my paragraph and that would be less repetetive. As a synonym for novel, I would just say book. It's the same thing, right? I would totally read and comment on your commentary but I don't have a copy of your paragraph. :( When you're reading through it though, just ask yourself if these ideas relate to the thesis. If it is plot summary, it will won't relate to the thesis; it will retell what you just wrote. When we get back to school on Monday I will read over your paragraph and comment if you still want me to. Nice work, girl! -Sarah
ReplyDeleteAlso, as far as the three-fold transition goes, we went over that on Friday. Just make sure to mention (very briefly) the sermons and diaries before you start talking about your paragraph's subject. Those are my last "words of wisdom". See you on Monday!
I think your ideas are really good, your commentary sounds like it's great! I had to change my transitions also to make sure it flowed as best as I could get it, I think your transitions are smooth :) I agree with sarah about reading through your commentary and just asking yourself if it relates to the thesis and stuff like that. I know your paragraphs going to be great!!! keep up the good work!!!
ReplyDelete